Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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