This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
