I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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