Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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