did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
