I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
