either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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