Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
