All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
