she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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