About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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