I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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