You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
