Don't you send me to vm
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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