big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
