my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
