It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
