i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck appropriateness.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
