I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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