At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
