If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
