how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
