Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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