I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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