I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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