I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
