I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
