If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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