I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
