yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
