When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
