You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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