Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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