Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
