The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
