winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize