Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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