Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize