Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
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now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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