I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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