my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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