I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
