the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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