So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
