I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
