So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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