sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
