my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
