dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
