I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
