Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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