Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
