so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
