My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
