I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
