I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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