I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
