Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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