She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Too much gin, very little bucket
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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