He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
