No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
