Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
